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[16 May 2004|06:12pm] ah, before i abandoned this infamous livejournal, i request all of you to do this one thing for me: post a memory of me in my comments. it can be anything you want. then, post this in your journal and see what people remember of you. so, definitely comment. 14 patterned always, yes (maybe no)

[16 May 2004|01:54pm] so, i'm going to desert this livejournal. i treasure all the good memories, but the bad and sour ones disease me, so i'm running away. i'm keeping the new livejournal "friends only", so if i haven't added you and you'd like to be added, speak up now. 5 patterned always, yes (maybe no)

[15 May 2004|11:34pm] i doubt i have informally introduced my cousin on here, so here it goes: yes, she's quite an eye-catcher. her name is aidee and she's seventeen. we're actually eleven months apart, but it doesn't appear like it since i'm an ogre compared to her petite stature: she's 5'2" and weighs nearly 100 lbs, ha. anyway, most of her time is spent involved in some sort of activity or another within the community, like softball, fundraisers, or the church choir to name a few. she has a beautiful voice, which explains her participation in the choir. she's an extremely sociable person and is popular in the sense that she's well known and liked for her friendliness and generosity. so, yeah, she's raddd. (maybe no)

[15 May 2004|06:06pm] ah, yes, big, fat mexican barbeque's are always fun: las carnitas, the beer, the laughter full of warmth and conversation. as soon as my relatives arrive, the excitement shall commence. too bad i don't have an appetite for food, ha. not this chunky nuts today, ohhh, nooo! (maybe no)

[15 May 2004|02:36pm] "being your wall" pull your arms up around your knees and hide out inside your room pretend you can't feel at all just realize that i know how you feel now if all i am is distraction for you then i can't complain that you can't feel something for me take all you can find in me can you think back to when things worked when dreams were the days you lived when you never cried alone just realize that i know how you feel now if all i am is just distraction for you then i can't complain that you can't feel something for me take all you can find in me i know how you feel now if all i am is just distraction for you then i can't complain that you can't feel something for me take all you can find in me ... sweet armor for sleep, my lullaby last night, although not the best song to hear when you're avoiding tears. they're playing at the boardwalk sometime in june or july, i think. i'll withold my tears till then and just cry out my heart there, ahhh, ahhh ... um, ahhh! oh, quick poll: who all will be attending the stretch arm strong show this month? 9 patterned always, yes (maybe no)

[15 May 2004|02:14pm] okay, the doctor's visit today wasn't bad at all. it was relieving to see the waiting room empty. i was given some samples for my allergies called "zyrtec", which i believe ought to work much better than allegra. also, my blood pressure was low, which is a rarity, but i can attribute it to my newly acquired non-eating habits. hey, i guess i'm just dying a torturous death these days! anyway, i visited my cousin today, which was fun. her boyfriend bought her a rad nextel, so now we can walkie-talkie at all hours, day and night! what a sweetheart he is, eh? my dad bought one two weeks ago and has another one for work, but i think i have a growing infatuation for them now. besides the unlimited weekend minutes for the cell and also unlimited walkie-talkie time, it also has a coast-to-coast feature, so i can easily communicate with anybody hidden in a deep, cavernous cell in new york or somethin'. recluses, unite! i've been discussing my lesbianism plan with sal and melinda, and i'm getting positive feedback, ha. i think i may give the girls a whirl, i mean, i may as well considering my pathetic trend with boys. i'm sure girls are more understanding and affectionate, right? it may be difficult to find myself a moderately decent one around this area, but that's where myspace comes in! oh, there are plenty of hot ones there, it's all just a matter offf ... getting this experiment going, ha. anybody willing to help me out? i think it's time for me to get mess-ay with my pastels now. yesss, and perhaps i'll have an avid group of spectators within preschool range admiring my "indecent" content, ha. by the way, sorry i didn't take you with me, sal. you sure missed one hell of a sexy sandra today, bwahahaha ... 2 patterned always, yes (maybe no)

[14 May 2004|10:13pm] how irresistible, but earlier in the afternoon as i was working on my pastel series, a trio of little neighborhood girls were curious and eager to watch, so they all sat down outside my front yard as i grudgingly worked away on my nudes, ha. melinda saw this classic moment take place, so she can attest at how grossly adorable it was. anyway, tomorrow i have a doctor's appointment at ten. it's so damn early for a saturday, but i hope to have new allergy medication prescribed 'cause the one i've been using sure ain't workin' much. next, i'll probably surprise my mom to a visit to the bank: i had an overdraft of 20 dollars last month, dismissed it, and now have a total of $53 due in late overdraft fees, etc. after that unpleasant surprise, i may be able to coerce her into taking me to the mall or something, just to further delay coming home. then, uh, come back, i guess. so, a lot of you already know my relationship status. chris and i are basically on a "break", however the fuck you'd like to define that. it feels awkward, uncomfortable, and simply said, hurts really bad. regardless of how genuinely divine the reason or excuse may be, i always get fucking shitted in the end and it's such a fucking heartache when you give so much, give up and sacrifice so much, gradually build up to something wonderful, just to have all the effort go to fucking waste. ahhh, what a stab in the back. soon enough i'll be forgotten and easily replaced, for sure. that's already been proven to me. but, it's going to be difficult to adjust to a phantom now, when everything i see, everything i hear, everything i feel, everything i breath is him, but ... somehow i'll manage, somehow. well, anybody wanting to hang out for a while, let me know. i need to get the fuck away from this place. (maybe no)

[14 May 2004|04:49pm] i think i mentioned this a few posts back, but i cut my hair and i just can't stop the cutting! there's not a day where i won't find a damn flawed spot on my hair and not tempted to correct it. but, uh, i think i'll ease back on that for a while. it's just, man, hair is so much fun to experiment with, ha. here are several silly and oh-so sensual pictures: i think before i put the cutting to a halt, i may cut it a little shorter on the back. then, the end! anyway, it seems like my weekend will be dull and i need to get out for distraction. hrm, i'm in the mood for some comotion and inebriation, yesss. who wants to take me out? har, har. 6 patterned always, yes (maybe no)

[14 May 2004|08:19am] i'm unusually up early, without the assistance of clock alarms or any of those silly gadgets. it was done all naturally this morning! anyway, i'm going to take advantage of my morning by working on my art projects. i have two i'll focus on, which are my pastel series. similar to the prior photo assignment, i had to chose a piece by a 20th century artist, copy it in pastel, and then do a second piece of my own self portrait in that artist's style. so, having said that, i chose an expressionist named egon schiele, whose work is bad-assed. here's a glimpse of one of his pieces: he works alot with nudity and eroticism, his figures engaging in some sort of sexual act the majority of the time. hot damn! so, i'm excited to see how sexy my self-portrait will turn out, har, har. hrm, i think this afternoon i may be going to my aunt's husband's parents' 40th anniversary celebration, which should prove to be fun ... somehow. well, i can't complain about the food, since it'll be free and i can binge! yeah, that's my entertainment, watchin' my middle section gradually expand. sal, don't you dare call me chunky nuts again! hopefully, today i won't feel so down. a few of you know why i've been in a depressed rut the few couple of days, and if your inquiring minds are dying to know, just ask, but ... i'm trying to not let go of the small amount of faith i'm stubbornly holding onto. i'm not letting go, and i hope you don't either. i miss you. 4 patterned always, yes (maybe no)

[13 May 2004|12:31pm] [ music | from autumn to ashes ] upon my mom's constant insistence for me to register for summer classes, i finally did it this morning. i thought the originally date to start registering was on the 11th, but SAL told me it was on the 13th, so i waited around. my mom scolded me after realizing that it really wasn't on the 13th. damn you, sal! anyhow, this is what my schedule consists of: JUNE 14 - JULY 23 ASTRONOMY 1 monday - thursday 7:30 - 9:40 ENGLISH 1A [the one i dropped previously, ha] monday - thursday 10 - 1pm ART APPRECIATION [the one i failed previously, double ha] monday - thursday 1:30 - 3:40 so, as you can see, it's a full day. that's what i was aiming for. if i can't find a job during the summer, may as well fill up the days with some useful studying and not be fucking shitted on everday by my parents, ha. that seems like the best plan. i got an interesting e-mail yesterday by the guy, israel, whom i had chatted with on msn messenger the other day. it seems like he's taken the entire art exposition idea more seriously than i have. that day, he printed out all of the art work i sent him and showed it to the coordinator of the house of culture and he liked it a lot, so much that the both of them want to organize not only an expo for me, but also a conference where i'd have to speak in front of a class of drawing and painting students. how insane! i'm terrified of public speaking, so that would be one huge obstacle to overcome. i had thought that the major obstacle would've been transportation, etc., but apparently they're trying to find a sponsor to pay for my airfare, my hotel, food, accomodations, everything! that's even more insane! i don't know whether i'd be a fool for jumping into unfamiliar terrain, or even more of a fool for passing up such a wonderful opportunity. hrm, i should really, really be working on my art assignments, though. i have a handful to finish and turn in by next wednesday, our last class meeting, and also study for the accumalative final in art history comin' up soon. ahhh! oh, yeah, i absolutely can not forget to mention that i still haven't recieved chris' package yet aaand i never will by the looks of it! speaking of chris, i hope you feel a lot better, cookie. i know, it's "easier said than done", but what you want to get done depends on how much you want it and how hard you work for it. always bear that in mind ... what an accomplished day! [edit: yet again i've recieved another e-mail comfirming that he'll set the plans in motion as soon as possible. all i've got to worry about is preparing the conference and, oh, coming! man, i don't feel prepared to be doing any of this ... fuck!] 2 patterned always, yes (maybe no)

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